It's been a strange two years at Sorcerer University for Ernie Eaglebeak, the
nerdy wannabe mage. It's amazing he's had any time to do real work, as he has
been preoccupied with the scheming Joey Rottenwood and his plots to destroy
the school that expelled him. In the his previous adventures, Ernie unwittingly
helped his stepfather gain the means to succeed in his plan, then managed to
defeat him at the last moment in the tightly timed endgame.
Finally, it seems that Joey's out of the picture (done in for the second time
by a foul mishap), and Ernie can look forward to a leisurely week with his frat
brothers of Hu Delta Phart. Sun and fun, dames and drinks await the boys at
that mecca for spring breakers, Fort Naughtytail! This time, it appears the
only trouble will be avoiding Sheriff Wormpoop, law officer determined to keep
the vacation hot spot relatively quiet and the college boys' chaos to a
minimum. Not that the HDP fraternity has ever been known to be too wild and
crazy, but circumstances may make animals out of them yet.
STRATEGY AND TIME CONSTRAINTS
This third adventure differs from the previous two in a few ways, to make it
easier to play and complete if the player is in a hurry. Most of the entire
town can be explored right away, and most objects needed can be purchased from
the stores. The game begins on Saturday, and the player has almost two entire
days to explore before the party Sunday night. A lot of that time can be spent
setting up for contests that occur later, as the time constraints become tight
as the week progresses.
If the player follows this walkthru, the he should have time to complete
all the moves that I did on each day. Some of the actions depend on how much
time is left in the day and where the player dumped items when the fraternity's
carpet was going down. It's no major problem if the player didn't do things
exactly as I did - at worst, he may have to wait to purchase some items or to
solve some puzzles. In case Ernie is short of cash, I'll explain which items
can wait to be bought. The player may always look back to find the solution to
a puzzle when he has the items, this walkthru simply demonstrates one of the
shortest paths through the game.
Actually, none of the contests need to be completed to finish the game at all.
While certain puzzles must be solved, the variable scoring system allows the
player to finish with less than the maximum score of 7500. At the end, the game
will point out where the player could have scored better in case he wants to
try again. There are also alternate solutions for several of the puzzles, that
may be easier but which will also not score maximum points.
Bedtime for Ernie is about 10:30, but he can last 'til 11:00 in a pinch. He
should only sleep in one of the hotel rooms, anywhere else and he may awake to
find some gold missing. The player must buy certain items in order to win all
the contests, and there are two ways to get more gold. Almost anything may be
sold to the Pawn Shop, but the player must pay double to get it back. There is
a Casino that can pay off big, but the player will have to even the odds first.
There is plenty of time during the week to gamble, as long as the player has
enough gold to buy the things from the stores.
SORCERER UNIVERSITY TO FORT NAUGHTYTAIL - "Are we there yet?"
Those who played S201:THE SORCERER'S APPLIANCE shouldn't be fooled by the
first scene. Yes, Ernie's dreaming again, about his trip to Fort Naughtytail
where he and his fratmates are hoping to get lucky. Here at his feet is his
spellbook, so GET SPELLBOOK. X BOOK shows that there is a BLERK spell already
inside, and while it may be amusing to create purple animals it has no use
here. Enter the world's most beautiful woman, whose description and attitude
depends on whether or not the player jumped into NAUGHTY mode after only one
or two moves.
Will this gorgeous babe even give Ernie the time of day? GREET WOMAN. Yes, she
actually seems to be interested in him, but not out in the open (so, she may
be a closet nerdophile who doesn't want everyone to know). By now the WOO spell
should have found it's way into the spellbook, and casting it takes Ernie and
his new friend to a plush hotel suite. Overwhelmed by the possibilities of the
situation, the young mage simply can't handle himself. Despite pleas from this
most beautiful babe, Ernie loses his composure (to say the least), and the next
thing he knows he's being awakened by his HDP fraternity brother Vince. It's
time to load up the magic carpet and hit the friendly skies, and the honor of
the long flight was awarded to him.
With a half hour until departure, the player has time to collect a few items
and catch up on the news. Besides being humorous reading, the paper contains
a couple clues that will help later in the game.
GET ALL BUT LETTER, SHEET. D. NE. GET PAPER. SIT.
The trophy can be sold in the Pawn Shop later, and the bread sticks can be
used as one way to escape Sheriff Wormpoop's jail cell. If the player goes for
all the points he'll get locked up five times, and will need five different
means of escape. The instruction sheet and confirmation letter are not worth
any money and can be left. The real things are in the game box and will tell
Ernie the safe route to the hotel, and which rooms are assigned to the frat
brothers. While waiting for the guys to all arrive with the luggage, Ernie
should have time to read most of the paper.
READ NEWS. READ ARTS. READ SPORTS. READ EDITORIAL.
The player will probably only have time to read four of the five sections, but
the only two that contain important clues are the news and classifieds. The
news section mentions Professor Gerald Flakyscalp's discovery that ducks are
the exact opposite of cows. This tidbit will help Ernie during the bullfight
Thursday afternoon. The classified section mentions that the addled Professor
Otto Tickingclock and his very active wife Hillary will also be visiting Fort
Naughtytail, and those players who have followed Eaglebeak's previous exploits
will know that Hillary has a special place in her heart for the students of
Sorcerer University. Ernie should definitely pay her a social visit later...
Follow the instructions written on the sheet to take the safe route to the
vacation island. As the carpet approaches Point Blather, only Ernie is witness
to the folly of renting a cheap carpet. While the carefree breakers snooze on
oblivious to their upcoming peril, the carpet lurches and weaves all around the
island, lower and lower. The player can try to PULL FAILSAFE LEVER, but it
seems that safety wasn't the first priority when the fraternity chose this
lemon. All four pieces of luggage must be thrown overboard for the carpet to
land safely, and all will be recovered eventually. If the player wants to
follow this walkthru, however, he should drop the items where I did.
First, the carpets heads down towards the spooky mansion. DUMP CASE. The case
of tanning lotion goes down to the ground and the carpet veers off towards the
eastern cliffs. DUMP TRUNK here, and again the carpet should turn, this time
towards a desert mining town in a mountain valley. DUMP BAR now, and the next
maneuver should send the carpet sailing out past Point Blather. DUMP KEG, now
the carpet should continue it's lurching and fly over the center of the fishing
village. Finally, DUMP GOLD, and the wild ride will finally level out and land
in the plaza by the hotel. The boys all berate Ernie for losing their stuff,
but fail to acknowledge that he saved them from crashing while they slept.
The week's just begun, and things don't look good without spending money and
booze. Without tanning lotion the nerds might get nasty sunburns and have to
leave early, without a hope of exercising the party animals within...
CHAPTER ONE: WORTH THE WEIGHT - SATURDAY
After the carpet is hauled off, the gang is ready to check in to their hotel
rooms. Go N to the Royal Infesta Lobby, where the brothers decide to chip in
their own funds to pay for the rooms. Since, according to them, Ernie wrecked
the carpet he has to shell out twice as much. The financial formalities being
finished, the Pharts all head to their rooms to change for the beach. Spring
break has sprung, so GO TO ROOM 9999 (The HDP room assignments are part of the
Ernie finds his fellow Junior frat mate Sid Danceswithsheep already here,
reading a book. Sid may be the only student Ernie knows who is actually nerdier
than himself, but Sid is at least dressed for the beach. Ernie should REMOVE
CLOAK before venturing outside, and as he won't need to wear it for the rest
of the game it can soon be sold. Sid's book bag is also worth some cash, and
one of the puzzles uses the pool float in its solution. He doesn't even notice
it's disappearance during the whole game, so take it and hit the beach:
TAKE BOOK BAG. U. W.
All the Pharts should show up here by now, and there's nothing much to do but
watch the tensions mount as the Hu Delta Phart fraternity comes face-to-face
with the monsters from S.W.A.M.'s Getta Loda Yu. The player can just wait while
Moe Spilledmilk and the GDY president Ace spar verbally, or he can examine each
of the Pharts to gain some useful information that might help in one of the
later contests. After the two frat presidents decide that peaceful coexistence
is impossible and having failed to talk it out like adults, it looks like the
Pharts are going to be laughed off the beach. Ace proposes a weight-lifting
contest to ridicule the muscular midgets, and the whole crowd watches while
Bulldozer hefts the three barbells one at a time.
Z UNTIL 10:35, and it will be time for the pride of HDP to be defended by the
closest thing they have to a jock, Ralph Anywoodennickles. As he prepares to
lift the first barbell, FRIMP LIGHT WEIGHT. He should be able to almost throw
this small weight, and no one is more surprised than he. WAIT one turn as he
slowly prepares to try the second barbell, then FRIMP MEDIUM WEIGHT. With his
confidence growing, WAIT one more turn for him to prepare for the final barbell
then FRIMP HEAVY WEIGHT. As Ralph prances around with the weight upheld and
basks in the adulation of the beach babes, the Getta Loda Yu boys scratch their
heads and wonder how a wimpy Phart could out-lift Bulldozer.
Not happy with being outdone by the nerds, the Yus close in and another round
of witty verbal barrage begins. As the antagonists' ammo begins to run out, it
appears that bloodshed is imminent. The hostilities come to a screeching halt
when the Judge makes her appearance - an eye-popping, jaw-dropping, hormone
pumping specimen of the female persuasion. Having gained their attention, she
proceeds to lay out her plan to decide which fraternity will be staying for
the remainder of Spring Break.
The jocks and the nerds will square off during the following week in a series
of contests, with the losing side being banned from the student mecca for the
next 4 years. The Judge announces that the Pharts are the winners of the weight
lifting event, awarding 45 points to them and 40 to the Yus (if the player got
the maximum points). The next event will be the big parties Sunday evening,
giving Ernie plenty of time to explore the island and set up for other events.
After the GLY and HDP teams disperse, WAIT one turn for Moe to congratulate
Ernie for helping Ralph with the weight lifting. He sums up what the Pharts
must do to win the contests - not being very athletic, they will have to rely
on brains and magic to beat the Yus. When he departs, Ernie is left alone with
a mission - try to find some babes to liven up the Sunday night party, and to
work on technique for the sand castle contest Monday morning.
ROOM 911 - HILLARY ENTERTAINS THE STUDENT BODIES
One of the first things Ernie can do is pay a visit to the Tickingclocks, Otto
and Hillary. If he had read the classifieds in the school paper he would know
that Hillary will be accepting visitors in room 911 of the Royal Infesta, and
Otto is going to be spending all his time at the Pokkaball Hall of Fame. If the
player has played either S101 or S201, he'll remember that the professor's wife
is VERY eager to make friends, especially young and energetic students.
However, there IS a good reason to pay a call on her besides exchanging simple
'pleasantries. So, from the beach go EAST to the lobby then either use the
elevator interface or simply type GO TO ROOM 911.
Whoa, hold on! There seems to be a major roadblock here, as word of Hillary's
presence seems to have spread to the entire student population of the resort.
So many are here to pay their respects to the insatiable siren that a system
had to be devised to handle the traffic. A ticket dispenser stands next to the
beginning of a very long line, the numbered tickets serving to coordinate the
scheduling of visitors. Well, if Ernie ever wants to get in to room 911, he
must TAKE TICKET. It's going to be a long wait, probably about 10 hours. When
I played this part I got ticket 128, and the next number served was 67. At
six customers per hour it will take at least 10 hours.
Luckily for the player, one of the breakers near the front of the line is
about to have a major crisis. WAIT about two turns, and one of the I Hadda Kau
brothers, Hans, will be approached by a frantic fratmate. Another brother,
Clyde, got himself jailed by Sheriff Wormpoop, and he's the only one who can
open the liquor cabinet! Hans is torn between losing his place in line to see
Hillary and the prospect of going on the wagon for awhile. His gullet wins out
over Hillary's allure, and he offers to sell his ticket for 30 gold pieces.
In the game I played Hans had ticket number 73, a big improvement over 128,
so Ernie should BUY TICKET. WAIT about 3 more turns, and Hillary should call
out the number on Ernie's ticket. ENTER ROOM, and there she lies in all her
excess amongst fruit and fancy furnishing. She's glad to see the young student,
but is rather pressed for time - the player will only have about 5 turns to get
his business finished (so to speak). The most important thing to do is to GET
SUITCASE - whatever the player wants to do for the next 4 turns is between
Ernie and Hillary.
Once back in the lobby, OPEN SUITCASE to discover Otto's tie and a RATANT
spell box. The tie and suitcase may be sold shortly, but OPEN RATANT BOX now
to put the spell mutation spell into Ernie's spellbook. Now, some shopping is
in order, as well as some exploration and preparing for future events.
SOME SHOPPING AND SOME LEGWORK
To prepare for the Sunday night party the player only needs a studfinder, some
wooden timbers and a way to escape from jail. All this can be done Saturday,
and Ernie will also have time to solve some other minor puzzles. From the Royal
E. S. BUY ALL. OPEN UPPSSY BOX.
Actually, nothing was needed from the Souvenir Shop *yet* if the player has
the package of bread sticks that were in Ernie's room back at Sorcerer U. The
UPPSSY spell, while not needed for a while, will provide much amusement for the
curious player. It can be cast on almost anything in the game causing temporary
effects that range from simply humorous to fatal. Now, sell some of the
unneeded items at the Pawn Shop, and buy another spell:
N. NE. N. SELL CLOAK, SUITCASE, TIE, BAG. SELL TROPHY, TEXTBOOK,
SHIELD. BUY PEAWEE BOX. OPEN PEAWEE BOX.
Ernie won't need his cloak at a summer resort, and the trophy has only some
sentimental value. Sid won't even notice his book bag or any of its contents
missing, so only Ernie's conscience may suffer for selling the stuff. The float
may be used during the bull fight, but there is an alternate way to accomplish
what the float does if the player wants to sell it.
The PEAWEE spell is used for Monday morning's sand castle contest, and the
alert player might already have an idea how. At this point, I had 131 gold
pieces left, not enough for the color bomb. From here, the player should head
towards the eastern side of the island, picking up some items as he goes:
S. NE. OPEN SACK. E. E. N. GET HAUNCH. S. S. GET GLOVES. SW. DROP
HAUNCH. NE. D. OPEN TRUNK. GET KITCHEMY BOX, DENIM. OPEN KITCHEMY
BOX. GET TRUNK.
The sack should have landed in the Village Center, and should contain 200 gold
pieces. Batman's suction-tipped gloves will ultimately help in the Wet T-Shirt
contest, in a roundabout way. The dog will dig a hole under the fence overnight
and both he and the piece of meat will be gone. Finally, while the denim and
the trunk have no uses that I know of, the KITCHEMY spell will help in the
brawl in the Club Club. Return to the village for more shopping:
U. N. W. W. SW. N. SELL TRUNK, DENIM. BUY BOMB. S. S. BUY ALL.
The color bomb is used to cheer the blue lady in the mansion after Ernie is
able to enter through the hole the dog will dig. The studfinder is used for the
Sunday night party and the shovel is for the Monday morning sand castle contest
(the player may have learned this if he was in the Souvenir Shop when Gary
Dirtyjunkpile came in). The #40 hex bolt can be used immediately:
N. NE. N. NW. ASK MAN ABOUT BRIDGE. GIVE BOLT TO MAN.
Gee, that's a really sorry workman. Give him the part he needs and he breaks
the tool. Although left handed ratchets are rare, Ernie should find a right
handed ratchet after the sand castle contest. Ok, there should still be time
to get to the Sand Bar for the 6:00 p.m. Exotic Female Wrestling Match, where
the player can help the underdog defeat the underhanded champion.
EXOTIC FEMALE WRESTLING - STICKING IT TO AN OPPONENT
From the bridge and dejected workman, Ernie should be able to reach the Sand
Bar before the 6:00 p.m. event begins. Here he can help Roxanne Rollinthehay
triumph over Lucinda Livelylegs, gaining a female friend for the Wet T-Shirt
contest. The player needs the suction-tipped gloves found on the Cliff Road.
If he misses this chance to help Roxanne, don't worry - matchs are held five
times a day, three hours apart starting at 9:00 am. So, to the Sand Bar:
SE. S. SW. SW. SW. SW. S. Z UNTIL 6:30.
The first match should end at 6:30, then it's time for the rather unendowed
Roxanne to square off against Lucinda the champ. GIVE GLOVES TO ROXANNE within
the next 4 turns, then Z UNTIL 7:00. At the last moment, she'll use the gloves
to pin Lucinda to the mat and win the match. Now she'll offer to help Ernie in
the T-Shirt contest, and although her heart's in the right place it seems
nature forgot something nearly as important. (I doubt if she even wears a
training bra, as there is simply nothing to be trained!) Well, the solution to
this problem is simple, but it will have to wait a bit. Right at 7:00, before
Roxanne starts to talk to Ernie, he should have time to GET GLOVES from her in
order to sell them.
I managed to cram quite a lot into the first day, yet there still should be
time to accomplish several more little tasks. If not, the player should have
plenty of time Sunday. First, to get a quick bite to eat and another item for
the big party.
DINING OUT - GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL
It's not usually neccessary to eat in Ernie's world, but there are times when
there's more to the meal than first meets the eye. From the Sand Bar, go right
to the restaraunt - N. W. As Ernie enters, the boys from Upsi Dasi Oh knock
over one of the walls, then are promptly kicked out by the manager. A flirty
waitress invites Ernie to have a seat, so SIT then X SIGN. Well, the lobster
sounds good, but they are all out and Ernie must settle for bisque (just what
that is I'm not sure, but for only 7 gold pieces it can't be great). So:
ORDER BISQUE. EAT BISQUE. GET CONCH, TIMBERS. E.
Ernie finds a surprise in his meal, a conch shell. This is required to finish
the game, as it contains one of the Four Seahorses of the Apocolypse needed to
reach the endgame. The two-by-fours from the fallen wall are needed along with
the studfinder from the Hardware Store for the party in HDP's suite. The player
should be sure to have one of the five ways to get out of the jail cell, as
that's where he'll be going as soon as he exits the restaraunt. It seems
Sheriff Wormpoop thinks he is responsible for the wall toppling incident,
probably because Ernie is carrying the timbers.
If this walkthrough was followed, the player should have four ways to escape
already. I used the can of rust spray first, so I could sell it afterwards.
Once Ernie escapes, he should have time to distribute some items he's carrying
in the places they'll be needed:
SPRAY BARS. Z. OUT. N. DROP STUDFINDER. GO TO ROOM 9999 (The HDP's
suite, room number is in the documentation). DROP TIMBERS. D. W.
The items dropped are in the proper places, ready to be used when needed. They
won't be stolen, in fact, nothing will ever be stolen in the game except the
gold that Ernie carries if he doesn't sleep in his room. Next, Ernie should go
to the Sorcerer's Guild, where he'll receive the first of three required quests
to complete the game.
THE SORCERER'S GUILD FIRST QUEST - REPAIR A LIGHT BULB?
The Sorcerers work and study in a lighthouse on Fort Naughtytail, although I
don't see how they accomplish anything during Spring Break. When the student
sorcerer Ernie comes calling, they send him on three ridiculous quests. They
consider these difficult enough to discourage the boy, thus getting him out of
their hair. Completing these quests is mandatory, as they are the only way for
the player to advance to level six and cast the highest spell in the game. From
the beach where the player dropped the shovel:
NE. N. NW. W. U. GET BULB.
The Presiding Sorcerer assigns quests to young sorcerers that could probably
be done by magic, presumably to teach them to figure it out themselves. More
likely, he just wants to see them agonize over the problem. When Ernie comes
up to the Guild Hall he probably spotted a new victim, and he tells him to
repair the lighthouse light bulb. As he picks up the light bulb, the Copy Nymph
should drop a treatise on the floor. X TREATISE.
This gives an important clue as to how to undo the casting of the RATANT spell
upon itself later in the game. Ernie can't repair the bulb until after the
bridge is repaired, so he should head back to his hotel. Along the way, the
player can do a couple more simple tasks, including getting the pimento moss
mentioned in the treatise:
D. E. SE. SE. LOOK IN CANNON. GET MOSS. E. SW. N. SELL CAN, GLOVES.
S. SW. W. GO TO ROOM 9999 (Ernie's room). SLEEP.
The first day is complete, and I think I was able to do almost everything that
is possible to do until Sunday. The grocery store will open then, and the dog
will have finished digging a hole under the mansion fence.
CHAPTER TWO: THE LIFE OF THE PARTY - SUNDAY
The second day of Spring Break will be a relatively slow one, and there won't
be as much running as there was Saturday. This day's contest isn't judged 'til
after 10:00 p.m., and most of the day can be spent on some odd tasks. Of
course, there's plenty of time to do anything that wasn't done for some reason
as I did on Saturday, or to try gambling in the Casino. From Ernie's room:
GET ALL. U. E. NE. SE. BUY ALL.
None of these items are needed today, but it saves a trip to the Meet Market
later. The strawberry is used either to get the key from the rummy, or to get
maximum points in the drink mixing part of the Bottoms Up contest. The bread
will be used later to get rid of the jellyfish at the Cliff Bottom, and the
Elephant Laxative helps Ernie win the bullfight.
BLUEBERRYSTAINS MANSION, HUEMAZE AND 3 SEAHORSES - MS. AZURE AND MISS SCARLET
If the player dropped the hellhound haunch by the mansion fence on Saturday,
the dog should have finished digging a hole under it. The solution to the sun
tan contest is found inside, as well as another seahorse and the SPUNJ spell
box. Oh, yes, and a blue lady with a hot secret! The player needs the color
bomb from the Pawn Shop, and if he followed this walkthru he should find the
case of lotion that Ernie dumped off the carpet conveniently waiting on the
Mansion Grounds. From the Meet Market Grocery:
NW. NE. E. E. S. SW. W. GET CASE. OPEN SPUNJ SPELL BOX. S.
Inside the mansion sits the daughter of Milton Blueberrystains, currently
known a Azure. As her name indicates, she's in a deep funk, and her choice of
furnishings reflect her mood. THROW BOMB, and in a flash Ernie becomes a magic
interior decorator! Azure's mood changes to match the new interior, and she's
anxious to, er, play. Go DOWN through the trap door she reveals to the Lab,
and if Scarlet's new mood strikes the player's fancy then feel free to induldge
her. However, the solution to the tanning contest is in the room as well, so
if the player has the case of lotion he may doctor it for fast results:
OPEN CASE. PUT CASE IN VAT. GET CASE.
If the player had read the instructions on any of the tubes he would know that
while the lemon juice will make the lotion work quickly, the tan won't last.
When used for the contest, there will only be a 10 minute period during which
the new tan will be worth judging. After finishing up in the lab (don't worry,
Scarlet will still be there), it's time to try the Blueberrystains Huemaze. As
the nymphs say, the player can choose from three levels of difficulty or just
skip the puzzle entirely (for 100 gold). I'll give the 16 turn solution, which
costs the least (I don't think the score is affected no matter what level is
chosen). Enter the maze (U. N. W.), then:
Yellow, Green, Purple, White, Blue, blacK, Red, browN, Yellow, White,
Green, Purple, Red, blacK, Yellow, Blue.
The maze should be completely blue, and the player will receive the Golden
Seahorse. This should make two seahorses if Ernie has the conch from the bisque
at the restaurant. The second seahorse is inside the conch, but it takes a
mutated spell to do away with the shell. First, get the sweet smelling seahorse
that is wedged in the tree root on the Windswept Road:
E. NE. N. W. SPUNJ ROOT. GET SWEET SEAHORSE.
There are two other ways to leave the Mansion Grounds (PUSH BUTTON opens the
gates to the dead end, CLIMB STATUE. D. leads to the south end of the beach).
Now Ernie can drop the case of lotion where the contest will take place, on
Blather Beach. The player can also open the shell and drop three of the four
seahorses needed for the Sitnalta maze much later:
W. SW. SW. W. W. DROP CASE. RATANT RATANT. RATTAN CONCH. GET SOGGY
SEAHORSE. DROP SEAHORSES.
The beach is a strange place for a couch, but a convenient place to put the
seahorses for now. If the player dropped the studfinder in the Royal Infesta
Lobby and the restaurant timbers in the HDP suite, he should almost be set for
the party tonight. He can use the rest of the day to try and gamble for more
gold (if the Casino has been set straight), or just go to the lobby and wait
for the females to show up:
E. Z UNTIL 3:00. Z UNTIL 7:05. LISTEN TO BIMBOS.
These very attractive airheads want REAL men, so how are they ever going to
be conned into attending the Phart's party? It's a simple play on words, a
Steve Meretzky pun - the two-by-fours were part of a wall, also known as STUDS.
The STUDfinder should be in the lobby, so GIVE STUDFINDER TO BIMBOS. Although
their combined brain power probably won't qualify them as sentient, they are
proficient in the pursuit of the opposite sex. Once they figure out how to turn
the locator on, it's only a matter of time before they find the studs that
the player should have dropped in the HDP party.
GO TO ROOM 9999 (HDP suite), where the fraternity nerds are bemoaning the lack
of female company. They're sure to lose this contest to the Yus, but WAIT one
turn and the girls should arrive. These women are very accommodating, so feel
free to indulge until the Judge arrives shortly after 10:00 p.m. While the
party is still in full swing, Ernie could sell the items in the suite:
GET ALL. D. E. NE. N. SELL PLATE, STUDFINDER, TIMBERS. S. SW. W.
GO TO ROOM 9999. Z UNTIL 10:05.
The Judge and her followers arrive at the Phart party, probably not expecting
to find much excitement. It seems the bimbos are the hit of the bash, and the
Pharts win this contest 80 points to 60. The next event is the Sand Castle
contest Monday at 1 p.m., then the Big Belly flop on Tuesday at 10:30 am. At
this point in the game there's still a lot of free time, and there are some
more things that can be done to prepare for future events.
For a harmless, technicolor view of the party, EAT MUSHROOM before selling the
rest to the Pawn Shop. The effect is amusing, and only temporary. PEAWEE BIMBO
or UPPSSY BIMBO are also fun to try.
CHAPTER THREE: A MAN'S BEACH IS HIS CASTLE - MONDAY
Winning the Sand Castle contest should be simple enough if the pieces are in
place. The player needs the shovel from the Hardware Store and the PEAWEE spell
box from the Pawn Shop. From Ernie's room go U and W to the beach, where the
Pharts and Yus have assembled. While the jocks have already built an impressive
castle, the HDP boys haven't even begun. The first problem is the lack of the
necessary tool, a shovel. If the walkthru was followed, the shovel is already
on the beach... but who can make use of it?
If Ernie asked any of the Pharts about this contest, they may have said that
fellow roommate Sid built many sand castles as a boy. Unfortunately, he grew
up (well, sorta) and no longer remembers the building methods. GIVE SHOVEL TO
SID, and he attacks the job with a vengeance, but only confirms the fact the
knowledge has slipped away over the years. This is a job for the spell of
regression, so PEAWEE SID and watch him go to work as the boy in him comes out.
When the spell wears off, Sid returns to his mature(?) former self, and stares
with amazement at the architectural masterpiece of sand.
There's really nothing more to do now but wait for the judging - Z UNTIL 1:05.
The Judge makes her decision, and while the Yu's castle is worth an impressive
50 points, Sid's sand city earns the gang a full 60. For those keeping track,
at this point Ernie and his brothers should have 185 points to their opponents'
150. The next event is the Belly Flop at 10:30 am Tuesday, then the drinking
contest at 7:30 p.m. These two events are easy to prepare for, but the bridge
across the stream needs to be repaired first. If the player has already tried
to help the repairman with the #40 hex bolt, he knows that his left-handed
wrench was destroyed during the job and the bridge is still broken.
BRIDGE WORK, SPELL FIXING AND LIGHT BULB REPAIR
A left-handed ratchet is extremely rare, but as the sand castle building mob
scatters, a wave uncovers a run-of-the-mill right-handed ratchet. If Ernie has
the UPPSSY spell from the Souvenir Shop he's all set to modify this tool and
take it to the morose mechanic:
GET RATCHET. E. E. NE. NE. NE. N. NW. UPPSSY RATCHET. GIVE LEFT-HANDED
RATCHET TO WORKMAN.
Nothing like a feeling of accomplishment to lift someone's spirits... yes,
they'll never call this workman absent-minded, as he walks off leaving the
rare tool behind. It can be sold at the Pawn Shop, so GET RATCHET before going
on. At least the workman was grateful enough to tip Ernie 25 gold pieces... Go
NE across the bridge is a roc's nest, and GET ROC PLUMAGE for part of the
solution to the Belly Flop contest.
The nest is also the construct of a Loosexa Wingus Maxima mentioned in the
treatise found in the Sorcerer's Guild. In simple terms, the long-winded paper
explains how to undo the casting of the RATANT spell upon itself. This should
have been done to produce the RATTAN spell, which changed the conch to a couch
and revealed the soggy seahorse. The player will need the pimento moss found
inside the cannon at the fort to complete the cure. I think fix only works
once, so be certain that the RATTAN spell has been used on the conch before
changing it back.
PUT SPELL BOOK, MOSS IN NEST. GET BOOK. N. NE.
The player has found a mining town high in the mountains is a mining town with
a ghost saloon, a bank, and a prospecting shop. The ghost guard in the saloon
is amusing, but more importantly he directs the player to the Groggery in the
village. This will ultimately lead to the solution to winning the Volleyball
game later in the week.
The prospecting shop sells a torch for exploring the mine, but there is an
alternate source found later that is free. The shop is the solution to the
first quest that the Presiding Sorcerer gave Ernie. Yes, they do repair light
bulbs for 24 gold pieces. Get it fixed, and return to the Guild to show your
GIVE BULB TO SHOPKEEPER. SW. S. SW. SE. S. W. NW. NW. W. U. (Answer Yes).
THE SORCERER'S GUILD SECOND QUEST - PEARL DUST, UNDER THE SEA
With the first quest complete, the guild awards Ernie with a promotion to
level 4, which is the only way to cast the spell for underwater work. The
Presiding Sorcerer assigns the player another mission - to replenish the supply
of pearl dust. When the player bought the shovel in the Hardware Store, he may
have noticed from the sign that they also pulverize pearls for 15 gold apiece.
Finding the pearl requires an underwater search, but Ernie isn't much when it
comes to aquatic athletics.
From the Sorcerer's Guild, go D to the base of the lighthouse. Here Ernie must
DROP ALL to get past the lighthouse, then go W to the Point. Here is the level
four BIGFINNO box, and there's no way to get it to the spell book in order to
save it. Since Ernie has just graduated to level four he can cast the spell
once by opening the box. With no other objects to act upon, OPEN BOX and the
magic strikes Ernie, instantly making him one with the sea. Although he can now
move through the water at ease, the transformation isn't permanent and won't
last a long time. From the point, get going.
DIVE IN OCEAN. NW. OPEN OYSTER. GET PEARL.
The berries that are seen immediately after entering the water can be eaten
to instantly change Ernie back to normal, but they only survive a few turns
if picked. The player has the pearl, but there's more to be done down here:
S. GET MEDALLION. N. SW. S.
The medallion is used later for the body-surfing contest, to invoke the help
of the Pelorian sea god. If the player followed the walkthru, the keg that
was dumped off the carpet should be at the City View. I'm not sure whether the
keg could be brought back or not, but I didn't think so and left it where it
was. Entering Mer City, Ernie is met by a mermaid who thinks he's actually
attractive. GREET MERMAID, then FOLLOW MERMAID to her chambers. The BIGFINNO
spell will last long enough if the player wants to dally, but be sure to GET
SCROLL before leaving W.
Back in the city, go S to the Museum and READ PLAQUE to learn of the legend
about the Four Seahorses of the Apocalypse. GET EGG (which contains the fourth
seahorse), then head back to where Ernie jumped in. If he climbs out of the
water now he won't be able to carry things back to the base of the lighthouse,
but the lobsterman in the village can help. Although his trap doesn't seem to
ever catch seafood, he will keep casting it into the bay and hauling out
whatever is thrown in the water. From Mer City:
N. NE. SE. E. OPEN TRAP. PUT ALL IN TRAP. W. U.
If the trap isn't there or is retrieved before the player can put everything
in it, or if the BIGFINNO spell wears off too soon, there are other ways to get
the lobsterman to bring in the catch. The player can go directly to the point
and just THROW ALL IN BAY. Or, if the spell wore off before he got all his
business finished underwater, Ernie should be able to find another spell box
waiting on the point. In fact, he may even catch the Resupply Nymph putting
it there! (Meretzky says that was written in after the story was finished for
those who screwed up - in other words, he fixed a bug...)
Assuming the player surfaced in time to get to the point, he should head back
to the wharf and reclaim his treasure:
E. GET ALL. E. SE. SE. E. N. W.
At the wharf, WAIT one turn and everything that was in the bay will be brought
up by the unlucky lobsterman. Now GET ALL BUT TRAP, and go to the Pawn Shop to
sell some extra inventory for a little gold before returning to the guild with
pearl dust. From the wharf:
E. S. SW. N. SELL BOOT, TREATISE, RATCHET (if the player has these).
S. S. GIVE PEARL TO SHOPKEEPER. N. NE. W. NW. NW. W. U. (answer YES).
Ernie is graduated to a level 5 sorcerer, but the guild members don't like
being shown up. For a third and final task, they decide to assign him what they
consider an impossible quest, hoping to have seen the last of the adolescent
prodigy. The mission is to find and return the Great Seal of the Naughtytail
Guild, lost in a shipwreck off the east coast of Point Blather. If the player
has retrieved the Phart's trunk that Ernie dumped while heading for the cliffs,
he saw the chest being guarded by the huge jellyfish.
The Great Seal is inside that trunk, but he won't be able to get to it until
after the Wet T-Shirt contest. There's one more bit of shopping that can
probably be done today now that the Surf Shop is open. From the Guild Hall, go
D and GET COLLAR, then:
E. SE. S. SW. OPEN EGG. DROP FUZZY SEAHORSE. E. E. E. BUY ALL. W. W.
GO TO ROOM 9999 (Ernie's room). Z UNTIL 10:05. SLEEP.
The dehydrated falsies are part of the solution to the Wet T-Shirt contest,
and the absorption pill is used for the guzzling portion of the bar contest.
If, for some reason the player doesn't have enough gold for these items, there
is still time to win more at the Casino. I've detailed the gambling in a later
section, but feel free to skip ahead if necessary.
CHAPTER FOUR: THE BIG FLOP - TUESDAY MORNING
Winning the Belly Flop contest is a matter of raising the proper Phart to the
right altitude. Examining Ernie's classmates should give a clue as to whom will
make the biggest impact. Breakmaster Vince Gifthorseinthemouth has the proper
build for the event, but if left to himself he'll only make a half-hearted
effort. The player needs the roc call from the Souvenir Shop and the plumage
from the roc nest. He also needs another way to escape from jail, where he'll
be going right after the contest. This time the shovel can be used, since it
has already helped win the sand castle event. These items should already be in
Ernie's room, so:
GET ALL. U. N. WAIT UNTIL 10:40.
By now, Bulldozer and Wharehouse should have made their dives for the Yus,
both impressive by themselves. Vince is having second thoughts about doing his
dive, so it's time for Ernie to give him some help. GIVE PLUMAGE TO VINCE, then
BLOW CALL. What follows was, in my opinion, the funniest part of the game. The
text alone made me chuckle, the sound effects made it hilarious! I played that
section over two more times and still got a kick out of it.
The Phart's first and last dive not only wins them the contest, but eliminates
any other chances for the Yus to win as the entire pool area is devastated. The
Judge awards the HDP boys 200 points and gives the GLYs 175, making the score
385 to 325 in favor of the Pharts. The player should already have everything
needed for the next three events, and there really isn't much more to do now.
As before, Ernie may want to try gambling to raise more money, he will need 500
gold pieces to get the maximum points later in the game.
The next event is the drink-mixing and guzzling contest in the Sand Bar at
7:30 p.m. First, Ernie will take the blame for the destruction of the pool
area, as Sheriff Wormpoop seizes him and throws him back into the Jail Cell.
As soon as the player exits the devastated pool, the lawman will take him off
SECOND JAILBREAK, THE CROOKED CASINO AND MINING TOWN BANK
The first time Ernie was jailed for alleged wall-toppling at the restaurant
he should have escaped using the rust spray on the bars. Whatever method he did
use only works once, and this time the cell bars are plastic. The player should
still have the shovel, Sid left it in their room after using it on Monday
morning. Simply DIG, and the player will tunnel through the earth and emerge
in the center of the arena.
By this time, the player should have bought all the items needed for the rest
of the contests with the exception of the key from the rummy at the Groggery.
An easy way to get it is to give the lush the giant drink that is used for the
drink mixing contest, but points would be lost there. The only other way I know
to get his key is just to buy it for 500 gold, and that means some gambling
must be done. First, I'd go to the Pawn Shop and sell any extra items to get
a good stake. After escaping into the Arena:
N. NE. NE. N. SELL CALL, SHOVEL. S. NE.
At the Village Center, Ernie can see the Groggery northeast, and the Casino
to the SE. The Casino is literally a crooked house, and this tilts the odds
of winning in the house's favor. Ernie must EXAMINE CASINO before he can see
the crawlspace underneath, then ENTER CRAWLSPACE to GET SUPPORT. The support
was making the house uneven, with it removed the games inside are more fair.
I wasn't able to find a pattern to the Ruelotto, but the Squat machine did
pay off fairly steadily. It can take quite awhile to win 500 gold playing Squat
or Blockjock, while a fortune can be made quickly at much higher odds betting
on the mice. The choice is up to the player, just be certain to have at the
money needed well before the volleyball match Friday morning. If Ernie goes
broke, almost anything can be pawned and repurchased for twice as much later.
Once the player has the money, if there is still time before the Drink Mixing
and Guzzling contest Ernie can buy the key from the rummy in the Groggery. The
key unlocks a safety deposit box in the Blather Mountains Mining Bank. From the
NE. BUY KEY FROM RUMMY. W. NW. NE. N. N. WAKE BANKER. SHOW KEY TO
BANKER. UNLOCK BOX WITH KEY. OPEN BOX.
With the banker fast asleep, there's no reason to return the box. Inside the
box are two spell boxes, one the opposite of the other. Why two, when the
UPPSSY spell could change one into another? The action will be happening too
quickly during the game, there won't be time to cast any spare spells. Now, it
should be nearly time for the Drink contest in the Sand Bar. Get rid of the
safety deposit box and key at the Pawn Shop, then go to the Sand Bar:
OPEN HISINFISA BOX. OPEN HUFINPUFA BOX. S. S. SW. SE. S. SW. N.
SELL BOX, KEY. GET POOL FLOAT. S. SW. SW. SW. S.
CHAPTER FIVE: BOTTOMS UP - TUESDAY EVENING
Drink mixing and guzzling are highly valued skills among Pelorian fraternity
brothers, and a well made drink can make even a Phart party special. Too bad
Ernie had to dump Vince's portable bar off the carpet, now he can't even mix
iced tea without it. HDP looks to lose the first half of the contest for sure,
but there is a magic solution available. Ernie needs the strawberry from the
Grocery Store, the SPUNJ spell from the lab under Blueberrystains Mansion, and
the RATANT spell from Otto's suitcase. Then, at the Sand Bar:
Z UNTIL 7:35. RATANT SPUNJ. SPURJ STRAWBERRY. FOY STRAWBERRY.
There it is, a giant strawberry daiquiri in all it's rum-laden glory! Everyone
is amazed at the sight of the monster drink, which earns the Pharts 200 points.
The Yus' creation, despite having been made with finesse and qualifying as a
genuine work of art, only nets them a score of 175 - another clear victory for
the nerds. Now, can they out-drink the jocks in the second half of this event?
If Ernie has the absorption pill from the Surf Shop, just TAKE PILL and DRINK
DAIQUIRI. A legend is born as Ernie downs the entire fruity concoction without
even pausing to breath. When the dust clears, the Judge notes that the GLYs
have put away a large amount of liquor on their side, but Ernie's feat puts the
Pharts in a league of their own. The Judge awards 250 points to the HDP team,
and 200 to the guzzlers from GLY. Some rest is definitely called for after
imbibing that much alcohol, so return to Ernie's room to sleep it off once the
shirts for tomorrow's contest are passed out.
CHAPTER SIX: THE BIG TEES - WEDNESDAY MORNING
The Wet T-shirt contest is the one event where the boys are just spectators,
but they have to round up the women for the show. Two girls can be entered for
each team, and Ernie should have Roxanne on his side after helping her beat
Lucinda in the Sand Bar wrestling match. To get the maximum points, he will
need the dehydrated falsies from the Surf Shop, the T-shirt from the Judge, and
the UPPSSY spell. From Ernie's room, go to the Beach by Bandstand and wait for
the guys to show:
U. W. SW. Z UNTIL 10:30 (answer Y). Z UNTIL 10:45.
Roxanne hasn't shown yet, but Ralph shows up with his entrant Mona. She's well
built, but by herself she won't beat the two girls that the GLY boys found.
WAIT one more turn, and Roxanne should appear. With her build, even the falsies
won't help - she needs a miracle! So, GIVE FALSIES TO MONA. While she is a bit
peeved at the insinuation that she isn't sufficiently endowed, Ralph manages
to convince Mona that every little bit counts. Now, GIVE SHIRT TO ROXANNE.
A spell of opposites was exactly appropriate for the nearly concave Roxanne.
She goes from underdeveloped to positively, completely, and comically over
built. By now, the contest should have begun and the Yu babes have been wet
down to maximize their assets. The Judge gives each of them 150 points, though
even the opposition would probably have given more. Now, the moment of truth
as Mona and Roxanne make their entrance for HDP. As they are doused, Mona's
falsies hydrate to swell her bust, while Roxanne's impressive mammaries are
accentuated when the fabric of her shirt is soaked.
There is no doubt as to the winners of the contest, the only question being
how many points the Judge will award. She should give Mona 180 points, and the
newly blossomed Roxanne tops them all with 210. The former wrestler thanks the
sorcerery student for entering her in the contest, although she has too much
on her agenda now to even remember poor Ernie's name. After six events, the
Pharts should lead the Yus by a total score of 1225 to 1000.
After the crowd departs, one of the Judge's assistants will have left a water
jug behind. This is used for the body surfing contest tomorrow, so GET JUG. The
next event is the bullfight at 5:00 p.m., and since the player should already
have everything needed he has time to prepare for another jailbreak before
going to the Arena. From the Beach by Bandstand:
NE. E. E. NE. NE. BUY SLIMFISH. NW. GET WATER. SE. S. SW. SW. SW. S.
CHAPTER SEVEN: WHAT'S THE MATADOR? - WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON
The bullfighting event is held in the Arena at 5:00 p.m. The player must have
the bottle of elephant laxative from the Grocery store, and either the UPPSSY
spell and Sid's pool float OR the RATANT and BIP spells. The secret to winning
this event is to get the bull to run away at the right moment instead of trying
to fight him. The Yus go first, so whatever Ernie does to the bull must be done
after the GLY matador has his turn.
Inside the Arena, Z UNTIL 4:50 and the HDP boys should show up. As no one will
admit to having any previous bullfighting experience, Moe suggests they draw
straws to determine who will represent the fraternity. Of course Ernie will get
the short straw, and just for fun I tried this: UPPSSY STRAW. SHOW STRAW TO
MOE. Nope, he was not swayed by the long straw, Ernie was still the lucky
Now, while Machete fights Snorty for the Yus, Ernie can prepare for his turn.
OPEN BOTTLE. The bull takes a drink from his trough after each charge, but now
that he's out of the pen he won't let anyone near it. There are two ways to
temporarily distract the bull, but the player doesn't want to doctor the water
too soon or the effect will only benefit Machete.
If Ernie read the news section of the school paper before leaving Sorcerer U.,
he'll remember Professor Flakyscalp's discovery that ducks are the the exact
opposite of cows. Take Sid's pool float, INFLATE FLOAT, and there we have a
duck-shaped float. UPPSSY FLOAT, and it becomes a cow-shaped float, a blow-up
toy for Snorty! This is one way to distract him - when Ernie is given the cape,
GIVE FLOAT TO BULL. That will keep his attention for about two turns, long
enough for the player to POUR LAXATIVE IN TROUGH.
The other way to incapacitate Snorty for a short time is to RATANT BIP. The
BIP (create soft music) spell mutates to BIM (create soft mucous). Now BIM BULL
and POUR LAXATIVE IN TROUGH while he is sneezing. Whichever method was used,
the player probably used two turns, and the crowd isn't happy with the way the
Phart is ignoring Snorty.
WAVE CAPE now, or Ernie will forfeit his team's chance. The bull charges, and
somehow Ernie manages to dodge the thrust. After Snorty makes his first pass,
he goes to the water trough for a long, doctored draught. WAVE CAPE again, and
as the bull starts its final pass, he should suddenly come to a halt. Something
else suddenly takes priority over pulverizing the Phart, and Snorty tears out
of the arena at full speed. It seems to the Judge that Ernie put the fear of
something into Snorty, so HDP wins this event 450 points to 375.
The next official contest is the body-surfing event tomorrow at 10 am, but
an unscheduled event will take place this evening when the breakers meet in the
Club Club at 8:30 p.m. First, Ernie will have to deal yet again with the long
arm of the law, A/K/A. Sheriff Wormpoop.
A NARROW ESCAPE
After Snorty tears out of the Arena to relieve himself, the Pharts are judged
the winners of the bullfight. Moe picks Fred and a reluctant Gary to compete
in the body-surfing event Thursday morning, then Vince announces that the gang
will get together this evening at the Club Club.
Before Ernie can join the guys at the night club, he must deal with the Fort
Naughtytail law. Approximately two turns after the people disperse, the player
will be nabbed by Sheriff Wormpoop and locked in the Jail Cell. This should be
Ernie's third trip to the pokey, and if the player followed the walkthru he
should have previously used the rust spray and shovel for escaping.
With plastic bars and a concrete floor in the cell, Ernie must have another
way out. He should have the slimfish from the Fish Market, so EAT SLIMFISH. The
scrawny sorcerer is comically thin now, and can simply slip OUT between the
bars. Free again, the Phart is ready to join his brothers at Club Club later
in the evening.
CHAPTER EIGHT: HAVE A BRAWL - WEDNESDAY EVENING
With over half the contests won, the HDP boys should be leading the GLYs, 1675
points to 1375. Time to relax with an evening visit to the student nightclub,
known as Club Club for the style of dancing there. An unscheduled event
will occur here shortly after 8:30 p.m, and the Judge will award points to both
fraternities based on how well they handle themselves. To get maximum points,
Ernie will need the KITCHEMY spell from the HDP trunk, the RATANT spell, and
yet another way to escape the Fort Naughtytail Jail.
From the Police Station (after escaping the cell) go NW. NE. SE. and WAIT
UNTIL 8:40 for the Pharts to show up. One turn later, trouble appears as the
Yus make an entrance. The jocks are just spoiling for a fight, and while combat
on the beach may not be allowed, the Judge didn't provide rules for this
encounter. Tensions wax then wane as insults fly, and when it appears that a
fight will be avoided Vince suddenly runs into Bulldozer with two fully loaded
trays of beer. Already having a short fuse, this sets the Yu tough off and he
lunges at frat strong man Ralph with a lead pipe. Ernie must act quickly to
save his fratmate:
KITCHEMY PIPE. RATANT KITCHEMY. BOTCHEMY PEEL.
Bulldozer's lethal weapon becomes a harmless baguette bread baton, and the
banana peel that someone tossed to Ralph becomes a fine sword. The Yu's swing
connects but inflicts no damage, while Ralph's counter-attack with the flat of
the blade sends Bulldozer reeling. A full-scale melee ensues, and after Ernie
only manages to land a couple of weak punches he decides to try a moving speech
to appeal to the combatants. They pause to listen for a moment, then the HDP
boys toss him bodily across the bar... directly into the path of Ernie's first
love, Lola Tigerbelly!
The object of his affections is too busy fretting over the new bloodstain that
Ernie deposited on her dress to notice him. GREET LOLA and she gazes upon her
former neighbor, unable to remember his name but quick to note that the blood
came from him. She tells him to come by her room, 1812 in the Coral Reefer, for
a black-eye remedy and to pick up her dress for cleaning. The only real reason
to visit Lola is possibly to see her in a state of near undress, and to pick
up two items that may be sold for gold.
The fight comes to an abrupt halt as the Judge enters, declaring the brawl an
unscheduled event. Looking over the two chief combatants, she decides the the
Yu champion got the worst end of the deal. Based on Ralph's relatively unhurt
condition, she awards 125 points to the Pharts and 50 to the GLYs. As she takes
her leave, she reminds the two sides of the Body Surf-Off at 10 am tomorrow.
BEHIND BARS AGAIN, LIAISON WITH LOLA
After the fight in the Club Club and Ernie's meeting with long-time love
Lola, it's time to depart and rest up for Thursday morning's Surf-Off. The
sword and baguette may both be sold for cash if needed, so GET ALL. Then, WAIT
a turn or two for the inevitable appearance of the police. Based on some
evidence found in the wreckage of the nightclub, they immediately finger Ernie
as a participant in the fight and haul him off once again to jail.
Sheriff Wormpoop's lock-up should be looking quite familiar to Ernie by now,
although it has undergone some modifications in order to nullify the escape
methods already used. If the walkthru has been followed to this point, there
should be plastic bars to protect against rust spray. The floor has been laid
with concrete to discourage tunneling, and as there is only one slimfish in the
game Ernie won't be able to slip between the bars. The player should have two
more tricks up his sleeve, try UPPSSY CELL.
The locked cell inverts and becomes an unlocked cell, and Ernie is free once
again. There should still be time for a late evening encounter with the lovely
Lola in the Coral Reefer, so:
OUT. NW. W. GO TO ROOM 1812. GET ALL.
Although it is close to bedtime, there's still time for a few quick "ask Lola
about" questions if the player wants to catch up on old times. The mudpack and
gown serve no real purpose in the game, and may be sold at the Pawn Shop for
gold pieces if Ernie still needs money. Now, as Lola clearly wants nothing to
do with Ernie, return to his room and turn in:
D. E. N. GO TO ROOM 9999 (Ernie's room). SLEEP.
CHAPTER NINE: DO THE WAVE
Thursday morning's event is the Great Body Surf-Off, on the Beach by Snack
Bar. To get maximum points, the player needs the medallion from the sunken ship
under the sea, the pitcher that was left after the Wet T-Shirt contest, and he
needs to fill the pitcher with water from the Stream of Consciousness. All of
these things should already have been done if this walkthru was followed, but
there should still be time to get the pitcher and water before 10 am.
When Ernie awakes, GET ALL and go U to the Royal Infesta Lobby. WAIT one turn
and Ollie should show up, telling his fellow phart that Fred is passed out in
his room, dead to the world. Gary Dirtyjunkpile and Fred Beforeyoucancrawl were
chosen to compete today, Fred for his their main hope to win the contest and
Gary because there wasn't anyone else. To get the maximum score for the Yus,
Fred must be roused:
GO TO ROOM 9999 (Fred's room, check letter). POUR WATER ON FRED.
With Fred on his way to the beach, the Pharts won't completely be humiliated
in this event. Gary's attempt will not even make honorable mention, but if the
player has the medallion Ernie can win the contest. It's important, however,
that he make his move at the right time:
D. W. NE. Z UNTIL 10:20. WEAR MEDALLION. DIVE IN WATER. Z. Z.
While Ace and Razor scored an impressive 500 points for the Yus, Fred puts on
an impressive display himself. This would score well, but combined with Gary's
wipe-out would make the GLY jocks clear winners. Instead, Ernie plunges through
the students and makes his attempt, the medallion invoking the power of the
Pelorian sea god to create a moment in nerd history. His spectacular ride and
Fred's contribution net the Pharts another victory, 600 points to 500. The
totals should now be 2400 for HDP, 1925 for the GLYS with three events to go.
CHAPTER TEN: BRONZE CHEER - THURSDAY AFTERNOON
The tanning contest is easy to win, but requires proper timing and a case of
doctored tanning lotion. Once again, if the player followed this walkthru the
lotion should already be in place. When the carpet was going down on approach
to the resort on Saturday, the case of lotion should have been dumped while
over Blueberrystains mansion. Sunday, Ernie should have been able to enter the
mansion grounds via the tunnel which the dog began digging the day before.
After using the color bomb to change demure Azure into lively Scarlet, he was
able to enter the basement lab and soak the case of lotion in the vat of lemon
juice, altering it's advertised tanning properties.
Now, the lotion will provide a deep tan in only ten minutes, but the effect
won't last very long. To get the most points for HDP, exact timing is required.
Assuming the Surf-Off just finished and everything is in place for the tanning
event (the lotion case was dropped on Blather Beach on Sunday):
SW. GET BROWN TUBE, CASE. Z UNTIL 2:40. APPLY BROWN TUBE. GIVE CASE
TO OLLIE. Z UNTIL 3:05.
Ernie's tan should kick in at 2:55, and the rest of the Pharts (except Sid)
at 3:00. Just then, the Yus show up and the Judge gives them 800 points for
their effort. Upon seeing the assembled HDPs, however, she gives them a full
1050 points for their quick change act. I'm afraid there was no way to get Sid
some color, there just weren't enough tubes to go around. After the beach
clears, it seems the Yus left part of their snack behind - some peanut butter.
This is the item needed to complete the third quest for the Presiding Sorcerer
of the Fort Naughtytail Sorcerer's Guild.
THE GREAT SEAL OF THE FORT NAUGHTYTAIL SORCERER'S GUILD
To complete the endgame Ernie must be able to cast a level 6 spell, and the
only way to gain levels is to complete quests for the Presiding Sorcerer in the
lighthouse. At this point the player should already have completed two quests,
repairing a light bulb and obtaining pearl dust. Ernie is then asked to find
and return the guild's Great Seal, a quest akin to that given to a person new
to construction by the other guys: Find a left-handed wrench.
The Great Seal is inside the chest at the bottom of Point Blather's eastern
cliffs, but it is guarded by a huge jellyfish. To get the Seal, the player
needs the collar that was at the base of the lighthouse, some bread and some
peanut butter. (The player should be able to see this pun coming). From the
site of the Tanning Contest:
GET PEANUT BUTTER. E. E. NE. NE. E. E. S. D.
As soon as the JELLYfish spots the sliced bread and peanut butter, it thinks
that Ernie intends to make a sandwich. It slithers away, now Ernie can take the
seal to the guild (another pun coming up):
OPEN CHEST. PUT COLLAR ON SEAL. GET SEAL. U. N. W. W. W. NW. NW.
W. U. (Answer yes).
The Presiding Sorcerer never expected to see the young student again, but can
not deny (especially in front of his fellow mages) that Ernie has fulfilled the
quests. The player graduates to level 6, and the Guild has no more for him to
do. He'll now be able to cast a level six spell needed for the final quest of
the game. Go to the Pawn Shop now, and sell some inventory in case Ernie still
needs gold pieces:
D. E. SE. SE. E. SW. N. REMOVE MEDALLION. SELL MEDALLION, GOWN, JUG,
BREAD. SELL PEANUT BUTTER, CASE, MUDPACK. S. SW. W. GO TO ROOM 9999
(Ernie's room). Z UNTIL 10:30. SLEEP
CHAPTER 11: VOLLEY OF THE DOLLS - FRIDAY MORNING
Friday is the final day of the contest, the Judge will finally separate the
men from the boys (well, separate the boys from the boys, anyway). With two
events remaining, the Pharts should still be comfortably leading the Yus by a
score of 3450 to 2725. The next event is the volleyball game at 9:30 am on the
Beach by Volleyball game. The jocks are heavily favored to win this athletic
event, but as usual, Ernie can snatch the victory for his fraternity if he has
the right items.
By this time the player should have raised 500 gold pieces by gambling, enough
to buy the numbered key from the rummy at the Groggery. The key opens a safety
deposit box in the Blather Mountains Mining Bank, which contains the HISINFISA
and HUFINPUFA spell boxes. With the deflation and inflation spells in the book,
Ernie can manipulate the volleyball and sabotage the game. From Ernie's room,
go U. W. SW. SW. then Z UNTIL 9:35. The game begins with the Yus serving if
they are trailing (and they should be). The trick is to deflate the ball before
a Yu serves or just before they try to return a serve, and to reinflate it each
time it passes back to the Pharts:
HISINFISA BALL (Yu serve). HUFINPUFA BALL (HDP serve). HISINFISA BALL
(GLY return). HUFINPUFA BALL. HISINFISA BALL. HUFINPUFA BALL. HISINFISA
BALL. (HDP should win the game, 3-0).
Winning all three points while stopping the Pharts from scoring earns HDP the
maximum of 300 points, while the dumfounded Yus are awarded 100. Next event is
the Mystery Event at 2 p.m on Beachedwhale Boulevard. This event doesn't have
to be won to finish the game, but the player will get two items essential to
PSSST! THE MYSTERY EVENT IS HUMAN PYRAMID BUILDING!
And what is the Mystery Event? After everyone departs from the scene of the
volleyball victory, Moe calls an HDP huddle to share a rumor that Ollie heard.
According to him, the event will be building human pyramids, and what a lucky
thing it is that Moe coached his high school team in just that sport! Moe is
confident of a Phart victory, but calls a practice session for 12:30 p.m in the
Arena just to make sure the boys are ready.
Now, the player can't possibly believe the the frat president is right, and
that the Pharts could win an event without Ernie's help? Nevertheless, it is
essential that the player show up for practice to gain an item needed for the
endgame. From the Beach by Volleyball game:
E. E. E. WAIT UNTIL 12:35. BLOW WHISTLE.
What agility! What form! What stupidity! However, with the whistle Ernie now
holds the means to control the Pharts, much as a dog whistle can call a canine.
The player can keep drilling his fratmates for fun, but there's no real reason
to stick around. Ernie can go N. NE. and WAIT UNTIL 2:05 for the Judge to show
and announce the event.
CHAPTER TWELVE: DO THE RIOT THING
The Pharts and Yus converge on Beachedwhale Boulevard at 2:00 p.m, Moe and his
men confident in their inside information and rigorous training. Elation turns
to uncertainty as the Judge lays down the rules for the destruction derby,
after explaining what Spring Break is REALLY about. The event is 90 minutes of
mindless mayhem, the winners being judged on the intensity and extent of the
damage inflicted upon the town. If the player goes for the full points, he will
need one more way to escape the clutches of Fort Naughtytail's finest.
The HDP boys may be high spirited, but their destructive potential ranges from
that of a wet towel snap to a small firecracker. While they run about town
trying to terrorize older citizens and finding something they can break, Ernie
must pull off a really big stunt to get the most points. As the two sides
disperse, a worker from the Aquarium drops a blue key sure to be incredibly
useful. Well, TAKE BLUE KEY and investigate the Aquarium:
N. OPEN WOODEN DOOR WITH BLUE KEY. E. D. GET ALL. OPEN GESSIBUB BOX.
The GESSIBUB spell (in it's current form) isn't necessary if the player
bought the torch in the mining town. Ernie will need a light source to explore
the mine, but he doesn't need to spend 199 gold pieces to buy an overpriced
match. Instead, GESSIBUB LANTERN to convert the incomprehensible controls into
those of a simple flashlight. Regardless of whether the player has the torch
or the flashlight, the GESSIBUB spell is essential to the endgame.
Down in the Aquarium basement, any enterprising player should see the way to
completely upset things upstairs. UPPSSY FOUNDATION, then get out quick as the
tourist site reacts to having it's basement inverted! Go U. W. S. and watch the
unleashed waters devastate the area, washing a baby squid out into the street
as well. This act of senseless destruction tops anything the GLYs can do, so
GET SQUID then WAIT UNTIL 3:55.
The Judge tallies the damage done by each side, and while the Yus score 1200
points for quantity Ernie's single quality stunt nets the Pharts a narrow
victory for this event with 1250. After a dozen events, the accumulated points
should be 5000 for HDP, 4025 for GLY. Even this substantial lead doesn't seem
to lead the Judge to a decision, and she announces a final event, worth 2500
points. This event is just a cover for the Judge's true purpose, and this is
where the true behind-the-scenes plot line will finally emerge. First, Ernie
will have to answer to the law once more for his winning stunt.
ERNIE, THE FIVE TIME LOSER
At this point in the game Ernie has slipped out of the jail cell four times
if this walkthru was followed. He's used the can of rust spray, the shovel, the
slimfish and the UPPSSY spell. For his final feat, he simply needs the package
of bread sticks which he has possessed from the start of the game. After waiting
a couple of turns after the crowd disperses, Ernie feels the now-familiar grip
of the sheriff as he is taken away to jail.
Once inside, just GIVE BREADSTICK TO RAT, and the mangy crowned rodent becomes
his old regal self. With a flourish, he pulls out a key to the cell door, opens
it and leaves in pursuit of his lovely Princess Anchovybreath. The way is clear
for the player to leave as well, and he should have almost everything ready to
find and slay the Prokturingham Bull.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: A LOT OF BULL - FRIDAY AFTERNOON
The final event is finding and slaying the fabled Prokturingam Bull, said
to be somewhere in the Blather Mountains. This time the Pharts won't have to
worry about besting the Yus, as the jocks at least have the common sense to
know the difference between a contest event and suicide. If the player does
nothing, however, GLY will win anyway as they show up with a bogus head they
claim came from the bull.
The items needed for this quest are the Four Seahorses of the Apocalypse, the
RATANT and GESSIBUB spells, the whistle from the Phart's pyramid building
practice session, the baby squid, the scroll from Mer City and a light source
(the torch or the GESSIBUBed lantern). The player must also be a level 6
sorcerer after completing the three quests for the Presiding Sorcerer of the
guild in the lighthouse. After the Prince opens the jail cell, head for the
mountains, picking up the seahorses first:
OUT. NW. N. W. GET ALL SEAHORSES. E. E. NE. NE.
Here in the Village Center the HDP boys join Ernie, depending in him once
again to figure out what to do. Lead the way into the mine and to the spring
that runs through it - E. E. N. N. E. If the player enters the mine from the
north he'll have to navigate a maze which I didn't map, as it is much easier
to enter from the south.
As the explorers try to go E and cross the spring, the giant one-eyed squid
emerges from the water... the only way to soothe this irate beast is to GIVE
BABY SQUID TO GIANT SQUID. The monster retreats to wherever it came from, and
the player may go east to Sitnalta. This is the twin city of Mer City, lost
long ago. Ernie and the Pharts must follow the route through the city as mapped
out on the scroll exactly, placing the seahorses in their proper places as they
go. Any deviation from the route and the player will have to return to the
entrance and begin again. First, OPEN OKEEDOKEEYO BOX. This is the level six
spell that was the reason for the Sorcerer's Guild quests.
The directions through the city and placement of the seahorses are:
E. E. N. E. E. E. S. E. E. PUT SWEET-SMELLING SEAHORSE IN BIRDBATH.
N. N. N. W. S. W. CLIMB TREE. PUT FUZZY SEAHORSE IN NEST.
D. W. N. N. W. BLOW WHISTLE. CLIMB PYRAMID. PUT SOGGY SEAHORSE IN TUREEN.
D. W. W. S. S. S. PUT GOLDEN SEAHORSE IN POT. E. N. E. E.
If the route was followed and the seahorses placed properly, the ground should
begin to shake. The other Pharts flee, but this isn't an option for Ernie as
his foot becomes temporarily wedged in the coral. The coral should release the
frightened Phart as the ancient throne rises from below.
LAIR OF THE PROKTURINGAM BULL - ENDGAME
There before Ernie is the throne of Sitnalta, foretold to appear when the Four
Seahorses of the Apocalypse were returned to their rightful places. The obvious
thing for the inquisitive player to do now is SIT ON THRONE. The ancient seat
collapses, sending Ernie down into the bull's lair. With a chasm to the east
and a blocked passage to the southwest, it seems the player will end his spring
break as a snack for the nearby monster. Quickly, OKEEDOKEEYO BULL, and it now
looks like all that remains is to lead the bull back to the Judge (guess Ernie
just didn't have the heart to behead it).
Who should appear now but the Judge herself - it looks like Ernie won't have
to make the long trip back to earn the Pharts 2500 points! All isn't as it
seems, however, as the female figure sheds her illusion to reveal (surprise)
Joey Rottenwood. The last time Ernie had seen his evil stepfather, he had just
been buried in a ton of student waste as his scheme to destroy Sorcerer U. was
thwarted. The player is obliged to listen to the villain recount his brilliant
plot which used Ernie to find the legendary bull.
Joey plans to turn the bull loose, and finally realize his dream of destroying
the institution which expelled him long ago. Ernie only has two turns to save
himself and his school, and he should have everything on hand:
RATANT GESSIBUB. DESSIBUB BULL.
The whimpers of the Bull are amplified, summoning the little one's mother, who
makes the child seem harmless by comparison. Turning her rage upon Joey, she
retrieves her babe then tries to ingest him whole. This would be a gruesome
fate, but there must always be a chance for the villain to survive to plot yet
again. So, in another plot twist, the mother bull regurgitates Rottenwood,
losing a head in the process. Still ill from having tried to eat such a vile
human being, her bowels release and once again Joey meets a fitting demise.
The avenged monster bashes out through the south wall, now Ernie should TAKE
HEAD and head S. As the text states, not only is this a short-cut right back
to Blather Beach, but there is definite evidence of Rottenwood's escape. Back
on the beach, the hero is congratulated for winning the event thus securing the
resort for HDP. It looks like everything will turn out great, and Ernie will
spend the rest of Spring Break romancing the woman from his dream who is just
now strolling down the beach. The mayor and the sheriff breathe sighs of relief
as it seems they've survived another season of college student hijinx.
Sid Danceswithsheep picks this moment to share his knowledge with Ernie about
the destructive properties of a severed head from a Prokturingam bull. Too
late, as Ralph tries to fling the trophy away from innocents. While he seems
to have saved lives, the head detonates in the middle of the commercial section
of Fort Naughtytail. Oh, well, they should have the damage repaired by the time
the next wave of students come for vacation.